i always forget guys have bellybuttons
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
My liver just had a heart attack.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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