I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
She needs to go. She is like the Yoko Ono of our group.
Just pee around me
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Randomize
