I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
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