you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
