Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
Fried chicken is a must. Do strippers eat fried chicken or should I plan on something else?
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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