oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
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