is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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