either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
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