So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I just forgot I was standing up.
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
