Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
My butt remains clenched, sir.
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
Randomize
