he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
