oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Randomize
