Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
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