he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
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