Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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