dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
