**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
