YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I googled Canada's legal age of consent. I have good news. It's 14. Justin Bieber here I come...
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
He just got dropped off drinking a flask, sitting on the handlebars of a chinese delivery man's bike
Tonight's gonna be epic. Did he bring my noodles?
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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