How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
