Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
today i did the best job ever shaving. like my vagina is PERFECT. plus i straightened my hair for a good hour. if i don't get ass tonight, i'm killing a baby.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
