I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
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