please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
There's just something so liberating about drinking a beer with no pants on
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
