The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
