I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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