I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
She's seen your dick through your pants. You don't need to ask
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
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