We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I vote we just hike, drink, and destroy dick
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