OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
