I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
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