Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Randomize
