What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
It doesn't have to be a walk of shame...just pretend he took you to breakfast.
No one shows this much boob at breakfast
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Well this lady at the bar told me I was a natural on the tambourine and that it was my God given talent. and then she gave me a tambourine.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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