Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
Randomize
