i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
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