there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
Wow thanks 4 throwing jello at me an yelling who invited that guy to all the guys at the bar
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
