My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I had to sleep with my math professor to pass algebra. Apparently my blowjobs are only C+ quality
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
