so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
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