We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
Randomize
