my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
