Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
