Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
Randomize
