Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize