I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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