anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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