So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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