Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
