community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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