she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Randomize
