I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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