Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
