I don't know which is worse: knowing all the free porn websites, or knowing which days they update their free porn.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
