sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
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