I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
My 1st STD. I feel like there should be a cake for this.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
