Whats contracted in vegas does not stay in vegas....
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
