So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
