saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
You can't special order awesome
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
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