I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
My pussy is not your playground.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Randomize
