you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
