why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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