New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
