I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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