one might say we're banned from that church
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
