For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
