just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
Is there a tactful way to ask "how are your balls?" Or do I just ask point blank
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
