margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I have tasted many bathrooms
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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