the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
They gave me a glowstick necklace to wear so they could locate me if I wandered off into the woods
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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