his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
Randomize