even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Vodka?
Forever.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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