I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Randomize
