Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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