My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
