my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I just want nice things and good sex
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
