I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
