Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
