i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
