there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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