Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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