She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
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