if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
