I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
i think we sleep fucked last night...
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