I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
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