a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
the gays at disneyland are vicious
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
Are you sexting with minion stickers right now?
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
