I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
wakey wakey hands off snakey
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
Randomize
