She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
all of these bad things happened because I didn't bring a shower beer.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Randomize