BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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