LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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