Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
Shes been standing with her arms crossed in front of the mirror for 45 minutes...she told me she's "getting sober"
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
