Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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