I'd wear matching sweaters with you
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize
