I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Randomize
