When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Randomize
