is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
