I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
Randomize
