You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
