i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My parents heard a lamp fall and crash and the dogs were barking like crazy so my mom got up to check. she found you peeing in a corner by the tv. And you kept shhhing her.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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